And the beat goes on.....albeit rather slowly

JZ and I met today for the first time in a few weeks due to unexpected interruptions for both of us.  JZ and I, the last time we met, worked feverishly on DISCARDING stuff....it became clear, even to JZ, that there simply is not enough room in his small condo for all of his stuff.  We made great headway in the 'extra' bedroom and made many trips to the dumpsters that day.  It was extremely encouraging and JZ seems comfortable with the process.

Today, when JZ and I met for the first time in three weeks, I anticipated continuing our discarding process to make room to better organize what JZ will keep.  However, JZ had other issues that he asked me to work with him on today.....he has been negatively affecting his credit rating, he said, as a result of being so disorganized about organizing and paying his bills.  We spent almost 90 minutes making a listing of all the monthly bills and determining when each bill is due for payment.  We set up a very specific place for JZ to put all the current unpaid bills so that he can have a better visual of what needs attention.....

JZ wants to be able to pay his bills online at his bank site, and we took the first step today in requesting this function from his bank.  He will hear back within the next 24 hours and will then be able to enter the payees and then begin making his payments online in a timely fashion.  Currently, JZ has been doing 'reactive' bill-paying whenever he receives a late notice by calling in payments on the phone.....We discussed setting up a process by which he identifies which bills he will pay when he receives income throughout the month.  Because JZ lives on a fixed income, he receives payments twice per month on specific dates and can easily pay certain bills each time, based on when the bills are due....

JZ has begun doing some of the clean-up work on his own when I am not there, and this is certainly a big step in the right direction.  When I arrived today, we could actually see his dining room table top for the first time since I have been working with JZ.  I was thrilled by his initiative and progress and reinforced his actions.....

And the beat goes on.....

REALITY strikes......

During last week's extended session (we lasted three hours instead of the planned four hours), JZ and I cleared out boxes and boxes of things that he had 'stored' in his living room.  His two sofas and the floor was covered in boxes that contained videotapes, CDs, books, clothes, kitchen items and the like.  We decided together that we would store the boxes of things that he wanted to keep in the spare room for now.  We worked really hard and were able to move all of the boxes from the floor and one sofa.  We also cleaned off JZ's coffee table....to uncover a beautiful wood coffee table with an elaborate tile top!!  JZ says that his end table near the other sofa is a matching piece....gorgeous.

JZ decided to discard several more boxes of videotapes.  This is a direct result of his therapist working with him to recognize that these things are not his 'friends' but rather simply clutter that is no longer useful to anybody.  JZ seemed truly pleased that we were able to discard 10-12 huge boxes in the community dumpster.  JZ seems to have turned a corner regarding his need to hang on to things.....

Though we were both exhausted, we both had great big smiles on our faces when we parted ways last week.  A great sense of accomplishment!!

Now, for today's session:  JZ and I had agreed to meet for a two-hour session today to continue the cleansing of the living room and dining room area.  When I arrived, JZ informed me that we needed to move some stuff around in the spare room so that a workman could get to the windows in that room on Friday.  We moved things around enough to allow room for the workman to fix the windows and put up new blinds.

REALITY:  JZ and I discussed at length the fact that we simply will have to DISCARD items in order to make this cleanup effort work.  JZ has so many canned goods and food items that we cannot fit everything into his kitchen cabinets and/or his extra storage cabinet in the kitchen.  We found yet two more huge boxes today filled with canned items.  No matter how much we re-organize things, there just is not enough room for all of his stuff.  JZ agreed.

Next week:  Identify and remove all items that JZ is comfortable with removing, including excess canned goods and foodstuffs.  JZ will donate these to a local homeless shelter.

Progress!!

JZ surprised me this week.  When I arrived at his home, he had done some un-cluttering on his own!!  This is the first time that JZ has taken this kind of step on his own.  His therapist is really helping him to get motivated to get things done regarding his hoarding behaviors.  JZ was obviously very proud of the fact that he had done some things on his own and seems more motivated to 'just get it done.' 

JZ and I agreed on a plan of action for next week's meeting:  we are meeting for four hours next week instead of the usual two hours and plan on de-cluttering the dining room and the living room areas.  JZ is really interested in entertaining friends at his home, and has been unable to do so for lack of seating and all of the clutter.

Woohoo!!

Delays, Delays, Delays....

JZ and I have not met again since the kitchen success.  Unfortunately, an emergency situation with another client prevented me from seeing JZ last week, and JZ cancelled for this week due to some other commitments. 

Commitment is probably a good word to start discussing....both JZ and I have to be committed to getting this done.  This is not easily accomplished, as we have limited time that we CAN meet each week due to time and money constraints on JZ's part.  For me, it would be more energizing and motivating to "just do it" and get it over with!!  Not to be, or so it seems.   Wth only two hours per week set aside to accomplish this major project, we will surely be working into the first quarter of next year before we see any true progress in JZ's 4 room apartment. 

No matter, we WILL get it done......

A step forward.....

JZ has made some progress, I am glad to report.  He cleaned out a cabinet that we wanted to use in his kitchen to store his 'extra' canned goods.  This is a big step in the right direction, as this is the first time that JZ has completed a task assigned to him without my being there to help him. 

We are both very excited, also, as we were able to finish his kitchen clean-up last week.  We actually can see counter space, and he can use his stovetop for the first time in a long time (he has been cooking in the microwave or a small convection oven in lieu of using his range).  JZ was all smiles as we looked over the kitchen at the end of our session, and hopefully, this will give him motivation to keep on moving on......

His assignment till next time we meet:  do NOT clutter up the kitchen counter....that's it....sounds simple, right???  Not for a hoarder....getting JZ to KEEP things uncluttered is an uphill battle in itself.  Changing hoarding behaviors is much more than just cleaning up the hoard....it is the maintenance portion that is the hardest part.....kind of like that diet that each of us sticks to so well until we have lost the weight we want, and then we go back to our old habits....

Here is a picture of JZ's kitchen---cleaned up!! 

And the beat goes on.....

My life has been challenged in working with JZ.  As you can imagine, those of us who work with hoarders are usually very well-organized, neat and fastidious people (my husband would say anal.....).

To work in a hoarding situation is to challenge my most basic instinctive desire and need for neatness and cleanliness.  THIS is the challenge, really:  understanding and working with someone whose personality and ways are so very different from my own.  One cannot make a neatnik out of someone who simply is not that way, nor can one do the reverse too easily, either!!

The important point here, though, is this:  EITHER extreme is not healthy!  Amazingly, even I recognize that my extreme need for neatness can drive others to exasperation, as others' messiness and lack of attention to keeping things in order can drive me to distraction.  This fact is of primary importance, I am learning, in working with a hoarder:  do not expect them to suddenly become totally different than they are.  One must work within the hoarder's capacity for changing their ways toward a more healthy and safe environment without thinking that the hoarder will suddenly become the neatest person in the world.

And the beat goes on.....who is learning more here:  me or JZ???   Hmmmm.....

Resistance, Resistance

JZ's resistance continues to delay progress in working through his hoard.  We have been scheduled each week for at least a two-hour session, and JZ has cancelled the last two appointments.  Resistance is a normal part of hoarding behavior, and one of the most difficult things is to work through the resistance and help the client to actually make progress on resolving issues.

JZ is very focused right now on re-establishing his social network and becoming more social.  He has been isolated for a long time, and misses the interaction with others.  He has made great progress in seeking out social activities, which is a step in the right direction for him as far as working through his depression and other issues.  However, his focus on socializing has interfered in his ability to commit to working on his hoarding.

In order to help JZ to allow appropriate time to address his hoarding behaviors, I have begun to give him assignments between meetings and then check in with him throughout the week to see if he has made made any progress, and if so, how much.  This week, during our meeting, I will encourage his addressing the clean-up process by discussing how he can help his social life immensely by cleaning up his hoard.

Currently, JZ does not invite people to his home, as he is embarrassed by the mess he lives with, and because, truthfully, there is no place to sit!  Perhaps my discussing with him how the clean-up will help his social life, he will be encouraged and motivated to truly engage in the process.

More later......